I Can't Disprove God

But who gives a fuck? I think I'm absolutely sure that there is not a god or gods. Because I was once a Christian and was raised in a Christian family, I will still resume my habit of talking about superior powers as if it were a singular male...whatever.

What makes me think I need to disprove God anyway? Obviously, he does not exist. I am an evolutionist, I am an ex-Christian atheist (though the ex-Christian thing is kind of bullshit; ever since I even began to comprehend religious crap, which was probably around 6th grade, I have not been "Christian". I probably never was. I believed in God like I believed in Santa Clause - it was merely a childhood fantasy that I grew out of), and I have never seen proof of this god's existence. And I'm not looking for proof, because I know there isn't any.

Which brings me to the subject of miracles. I do not believe in them, they are bullshit, let's leave it at that...okay, let's not, I still want to discuss it. People, whenever something "miraculous" happens, it's not because some god made it happen. We live in a fucking big universe (for us), and here, many things are bound to happen. It's called probability. For instance, if a baby destined to die so young survived with hardly any medical problems to deal with its entire life, that's not a miracle: it had to happen at some point or another. Either way, people would declare it a miracle, despite that fact. That's the way things work. If you have a bag with one hundred red marbles and one blue marble, and you continuously picked out marbles and replaced them, at least once you would pick the blue marble.

So what pisses me off is that some people experience beneficial probability and assume it's because God is behind it. Well, it doesn't piss me off, it just annoys me. For instance, one day I visited the religion forum on Myspace, and one topic was, "I was an atheist, and now I believe in god." The story went something like this: once upon a time, a guy lost his watch and so searched his entire house for it, thus missing the bus. These facts combined spoiled his day, and he was in an awfully bad mood. However, when he arrived home from wherever he was (I suppose he caught another bus), he turned on the news and discovered that the bus he would have taken had he not lost his watch had crashed. As he heard this, he found his watch. And so of course, a miracle! God must exist! The reasoning behind his bogus logic is faulty beyond belief, and okay, it does more than annoy. I AM pissed. Because while he was celebrating, he didn't realise that other people's lives had been endangered, and that people missing their buses is quite common, as are car accidents. But when it just so happens that HE is the one whose life had been spared, God suddenly exists. I don't think so. It is self-centered and typically human. Other people died, but he didn't, so God is real and God is great. Babies die all the time due to health conditions, but yours didn't, so God is real and God is great. Thousands of people died on September 11th, 2001, because of the fall of the Twin Towers, but you called in sick that day because you just didn't feel like going to work, so, of course, God is real and God is great. And God just loves you doesn't he? Never mind the deaths and sufferings of everyone else out there that this great god of yours is not taking care of. The point is, he took care of you, and you is all who matters.

Get real. You are an accident to existence, as am I and everybody else. We were put here by sheer chance. Your life was saved by sheer chance. Miracles happen less often than they do, and that's because they are merely the results of probability. If they happened all the time, they wouldn't be miracles. On the contrary, if God really is behind it, that should give you all the reason to NOT want to have faith in him. Have you realised what a miracle IS? By the definition of dictionary.com, "an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause." So what is "all known"? Why is it an "extraordinary event"? Is human distress and death and tyranny and despair "all known"? Are "extraordinary events" things that relieve this grief? And finally, does it happen by God? If this god of yours is so real, so great, and so loving, how come miracles don't happen all the time? Why aren't we used to this sort of thing? Why does god pick and choose from all his "children"? Why does God perform abortions on innocent little fetuses that haven't even been given the chance to sin (pro-lifers, ever wonder what a miscarriage was?)? Is it because God is actually a huge despotic bastard who is a replica of humanity's selfish and power-hungry nature? Or is it all CHANCE? Is it all ACCIDENTAL?

GOD DOES NOT EXIST. I am more certain than ever before. There is no superhero in the sky who created you for a reason (whatever sick reasons they may be). No supernatural being loves you. How terrible the truth is. Thing is, I am completely FINE with it. I'm fine with the fact that I'm not so deprived of love and affection that I look to an invisible man for it. I'm fine with the fact that I'm here by chance, that I probably wouldn't be here because of it, but all that is bogus, because I am here, and if I wasn't, the person in my place would be saying the exact same thing. I'm fine with the fact that I know how to use common sense to live my life, and am therefore so happy with who I am that I find it hard to hate even President Bush anymore (because I DON'T hate him! I disagree with everything he stands for, but how can I hate him when life is so good? He's only human, after all, and so am I). I'm fine with the fact that I don't constantly deprive myself of simple pleasures because I fear I will go to some fiery pit for the rest of eternity for it. If I'm wrong, too bad for me. But I'm pretty sure I'm not. I guess that's what they all say.

By this point, I have probably lost the respect of many people. But at least I'm not kidding myself.

And there you have it (for now),

Kaytee.