Exactly What Does A Girl Want In A Boyfriend?

There are so many projects I’m doing for school. And guess what? I care about the topics very minimally. [Well, I’m doing a research thing on evangelicalism which is rather interesting, but that’s besides the point.]

Here’s why I need you: I’m doing my own little research. It’s actually for a friend, but I’m interested in collecting the data myself, because I’m INTERESTED in it. The topic is "Exactly What Does A Girl Want In A Boyfriend"? I know, I could dig through my collection of Cosmopolitan and Seventeen magazines, but I want some input from girls living the everyday life. I’d appreciate your help.


Here are some questions I’d like you girls to answer, and you can be completely inexperienced in the field of dating [in case you don't understand the question, I provided my own answers as an example]:



1. First of all, what kind of girl are you? I hate to use the cliched stereotypes, but under which social group would you place yourself [preppy, nerdy, rebellious, etc.]? What are your hobbies and interests?
I’ll say I’m a super-liberal nerd with an unusual sense of humour and a rather large ego. I’m most likely what you would call a new-age hippie, from my spiritual way of thinking to my goals of world peace and human rights shared with everyone on this planet. I’m loud and radical with my friends, though around strangers I am quite shy and bashful. I enjoy writing a LOT, and I want to be a novelist when I grow up. I’m irreligious, I will forgive you for anything [from giving me a bruise to stealing my boyfriend] which probably makes me a pushover, but in the instances when I can’t take being stepped all over anyway: watch out, because Kayteezilla is armed and dangerous. I want to major in religious studies or philosophy, but I would also make an excellent magazine editor. [You do not have to be so extensive with this question, but I was because I like talking about myself.]
2. Physically, what do you first notice about a potential boyfriend?
In guys, what I first tend to notice is their shape. But the way I see their shape is very unusual as compared to the way the average 15-year-old girl would see it. I will under no circumstances be able to stand a guy who has insane abs - I take it to mean he cares to much about what people think of him [actually, he could be in that shape because he’s a heroic firefighter, but I still think they’re ugly]. I like a little chub, a smooth back, some chest hair [but not an insane amount], nice eyes, NICE lips, and big teeth! I’m not kidding, I love big teeth. And not perfect ones either. Just...big ones [see: Freddie Mercury...perfect example]. But despite all these preferences, in the end, looks don’t matter to me when I’m in love [if I date a guy who isn’t all that attractive, I’ll think he’s the hottest thing ever once I fall in love anyway...it is guaranteed].
3. Personally, what qualities do you look for in a potential boyfriend?
Mostly, compatibility. I want a guy I can talk to all night about everything: from why phones suck so much to my very personal longings for spirituality and knowledge of what is to come. I want somebody who stands out from the crowd of guys who are and aren’t trying to stand out. I want a compassionate and sensitive dude who cries during chick flicks, even though he claims that it’s because his contact is being weird. I want a guy who is devoted to me and who I can devote myself to. Somebody to trust. Musical talent is welcome. Even better, writing talent is also welcome.
4. What are your turn-ons and turn-offs?
Turn-ons: chub, dorkiness, liberalness, worldly, different, very intelligent, sensitive, BIG TEEEEEEEETH!!!! Oh, and I would be so turned on if he actually listened to Queen with me, and actually enjoyed it, and actually learned the lyrics so we could sing together.Turn-offs: popularity [I dunno, I know some popular guys are like that because they’re so sweet, but a guy with 392 Myspace friends...no], 6-packs, shaggy blonde hair, conservative, religious, narrow-minded, too quiet, very pessimistic, complains about how crap he is.
5. Where would you recommend a guy to draw the line between way too clingy and not there enough? Describe in as much detail as possible.
Way too clingy: calls me more than once or twice a day, even if I don’t answer [if I want to talk, I’ll call him back; plus, everyone who dates me should know how much I truly HATE talking on the phone]; expects me to cancel girl nights for him; has to see me everyday [I would much rather not go to school with him: absence makes thy heart groweth fonder, or whatever]; he actually tries to change himself to be more compatible with me.Not there enough: Doesn’t even bother to call me or message me on myspace at least five times a week; see him mostly in group settings; unable to go to one another’s houses [it would be mostly a parental problem, but a problem nonetheless]; not obligated to open up to me [emotional thereness is much more important to me than physical thereness].
6. If you had, in your eyes, the hottest guy you’ve ever seen, what would he have to do to make you break up with him?
Oh man. Since I am not a looks person, it could be anything, from cheating on me [I’m a person who believes a relationship can be saved after cheating, but if the guy had bad intentions all along, then he must GO] to telling my mom she’s an annoying bitch who should stop being such a paranoid tramp and let him hump me [even though she pisses me off a lot, no one talks to her like that except me, since I at least know her reasons for being so].
7. If a rather unattractive guy was interested in you, what qualities would he have to have so that you would consider dating him? [Besides money, people...]
Again, since attractiveness isn’t important to me much, all he has to do is have most or all of the qualities I described in question three. As I said before, when I fall in love, I think the person is the hottest thing in the world...besides Freddie, but that’s an impossible standard that even I know is unrealistic. As long as they have those qualities, they can look like fucking Quasimodo and I would want to SEX THEM UP!!! UGH YES! I would so fucking go out with Disney Quasimodo. The sweetest motherfucker ever. He’s a bit creepy in the book.
8. Describe the ideal date [the activities, not the guy himself].
Well the whole cliche coffee date thing at some indie cafe that plays underground music or JAZZ. So we talk about everything all night, and finally end up walking through some nice park downtown on a breezy and slightly chilly night, still talking. Then we somehow find ourselves at the local beach [which San Antonio does not have, unless you count the riverwalk, which I don’t] and gaze at stars and talk about the universe, and then I feel all these butterflies and so does he and then we snog lightly. And then he asks if he can see me next weekend.
9. What do you consider to be romantic?
To be best friends with your lover. I SO want that. I don’t want a sex buddy or just a boyfriend for the hell of it. I love the idea of talking and goofing off and joking around and arguing with the guy I go down on when my mom isn’t looking [lol...]. I also think it’s romantic to run out of your wedding with some crap guy that you don’t love who you were only betrothed to or just pressured by friends and family to marry to elope with the weird poor guy no one you know approves of. Also, seeing your love for the first time in ages and having mind-blowing "hello" sex. xDDD
10. How do you feel about chivalry? When is it and when isn’t it appropriate?
I think most girls will agree with me when I say that it depends on the setting: in a casual setting, such as movie theatre or dining out to some informal restaurant or something like that, chivalry is to be put aside. I know perfectly well how to open the car door, thankyouverymuch, and I fucking TOLD you I would pay for myself; don’t INSIST on paying for me, because I feel uncomfortable about it, and please don’t make me tense. And fucking christ, what am I gonna do with those flowers? Is it my wedding or something? Actually, a lot of girls wouldn’t mind flowers. But girls like me would [this is where question 1 comes in handy]. In formal settings, such as prom night or a wedding, it might be okay. I’m in a long dress, so open the car door if you want to spare me from tripping and ripping the thing down its seams. Give me flowers, so I can stick one in my well-groomed hair. Pay for me, since the food is fucking expensive and I can’t afford it and I know you can [heh]. BUT...that’s most girls. FOR ME...chivalry is never called for. Even in those formal settings, I would get annoyed if the dude acted like a gentleman. Just act normal, but a little more sophisticated. That’s it. Thank you.
11. In what manner would you like a guy to ask you out?
Spontaneously. I have a total crush on him, and I don’t know it’s coming, but it does. For instance, we’re at a school function or something, and we’re sitting next to each other at, say, Ninerpalooza or some shit like that, and we’re talking about music, since that’s obviously the environment in which you’re supposed to talk about music. And he says, "Next weekend, my friend’s band is playing at this bar. You need to be 18 to get in, but the owner and I are old buds. I told them I’d be there, and it’d be pretty cool if you could accompany me. They’re pretty awesome. I think you’ll like them." Or if he’s more literary and new, we’re just chatting each other up at the public library where we just met and he goes: "Dude, I know, Stephen King kicks ass. There is actually a showing of the movie ’Pet Sematary’ at this old theatre downtown, if you’re interested in coming to see it with me. It’s an old movie, but the effects are so shit that it’s more funny than scary. And we could get some coffee after, or something."
12. What kinds of activities would you and your ideal boyfriend do on a regular basis? What kinds of things would you talk about? How often would you see each other?
Mostly, we would do things like go for a bike ride, sit on the swings at the park and chat, go to Fiesta Texas to ride the scariest ride over and over again until we feel sick and have to walk all the way across the parking lot and highway to Palladium to watch a movie in the air conditioning, share our music, etc. And, of course, make out and stuff. But not ALL the time. We would talk about everything, as I said. Music, friends, religion, Osama Bin Laden, literature, philosophy, death, family, emotions, ETC. ETC. ETC. And ideally, I would see him once or twice a week.
13. How do you know when you’re in love?
I know I’m in love when that little-girl feeling with the butterflies and giggles goes away and is replaced with a hugely powerful bond of best friendship with lots of chemistry and sexual crap. I know I’m in love when I actually find myself running off with him to elope in India or wherever, even though I am completely against the institution of marriage for personal reasons [as in, you can get married for all you care, and if it lasts, more power to ya. But it’s definitely not for me]. Stuff like that.
14. When you know you’re in love, how do you express it to your guy, verbally, physically, and any other way?
Verbally, I, of course, say the cliched three words. I also might tell him the insanely powerful words, "I think I love you more than Freddie Mercury." Now THAT is fucking strong love. Also, I might say something corny like, "If it weren’t for you, I probably wouldn’t be self-realised right now." Physically, I would kiss him slowly and lightly, and caress his face, and cuddle into his chubchub and wrap my arms around him. Also, I have this sick masochistic thing where I like to be mean to him and make him feel bad so that I can say something that totally changes his mood and makes his day, making me seem heroic. I know, it’s messed up, but I do that.
15. You know a guy loves you when he....
Tells me really personal things that even I wouldn’t try to pry from him; drives all the way to my house when I’m sick to watch chick flicks with me, since I’m always in the chick flick mood when I’m sick; buys pads for me at the store when I’m crumbled up in the car suffering from major PMS cramps; I can just tell by the way he looks at me. It’s not psychic, it’s just intuition that every girl should and probably does have.
16. What sorts of behaviours do you believe a guy should possess to make any girl fall in love with him?
He should be open-minded and free-spirited. Intelligent and independent. Shy, but with a wicked sense of humour when he becomes comfortable. Spontaneous and obviously not on the prowl.
17. What sorts of behaviours are total no-nos for guys looking for love?
Clinginess, whinyness, tells you every flaw about him, has very high standards, and has a record of violent behaviour.
18. How long should a guy wait to move to the "next base" with you? [Here is the field for you: "first base" is kissing, "second base" is touching you in your girly spots, "third base" is any other sexual activity besides intercourse, and "home" is, of course, the Full Monty, All the Way, the grand S-E-X.] You may divide the categories into sub-categories if you’d like [i.e., under kissing: pecking, then smooching, then frenching, then just sucking face].
Every couple is different. For me, I have noticed that in my relationships, the faster things happen, the shorter it lasts. My shortest relationship lasted two weeks, and we got to 2nd base on the third day of becoming "official". My longest relationship was a year and a half, and it took us six months to get to 2nd base. On average, here is what I think if I’m looking for a long-term partner: I will kiss on the 1st or 2nd date, but not too heavily until later in the 3rd or into the 4th date, or when we’ve become "official", or something like that. We should wait 2 to 3 months to get to 2nd base, maybe 3 more months to get to 3rd, and finally from about 10 months to a year to experience home for the first time with him. I’m talking my age group-wise. Adult wise, I would probably screw him after one month. But I know my boundaries. Well maybe I don’t. But I do. I know MY boundaries, not my mother’s or whatever.
19. What are some simple but effective ways for a guy to show you his love?
Kiss me totally spontaneously when I’m kind of acting wild and hyper and need something to calm down, automatically be playing [and enjoying] Queen when I hop into his car, actually read something I’ve written and tell me what I could do to improve, etc.
20. Finally, what piece of advice would you give to a guy with severe relationship and intimacy issues of any sort [clinginess, heartbreak, high-maintenance, prudeness, etc.]?
Believe me, if you don’t love yourself first in a non-conceited way, us girls can sense that, and we will wonder why, and if it’s because you know that you’re not that great. We love confidence. We love security. Don’t be overly macho, but be true to yourself. If you’re a stranger to yourself to find love, you won’t find it: you’ll only find an imposterous relationship with tension. Not everybody is going to like you. But somebody will. I promise.


You can email me your answers at wilddreamer_luv_freddie@yahoo.com.
You can also contact me via Myspace, for which my URL is www.myspace.com/freddiemercury777.