Minds Change In Love

A couple months ago I created a survey about what girls look for in boyfriends. Reading over answers, I see that my mind has changed. The difference between then and now is that then, I didn't really know what I wanted, whereas now, just a few months later, I do, because for the most part, I have it. (And I've changed quite a bit...so much can happen in so little time.) The real reason why I'm doing this is because I'm bored as crap, and haven't posted a blog in a month, and feel obligated to do SOMETHING, even if it's totally retarded, just as this is. (Some answers I kept or only slightly altered, but most of them are completely redone.)

1. First of all, what kind of girl are you? I hate to use the cliched stereotypes, but under which social group would you place yourself [preppy, nerdy, rebellious, etc.]? What are your hobbies and interests?
I guess I qualify as a "nerd", though that label seems to be so broad that I should not even bother leaving it at that. I shop anywhere that has cheap clothes that I think are cute. (Also, my definition of "cute" is also broad...I like clothes from all over the spectrum, from preppy to punky; I dress according to mood, or according to day.) I'm interested in writing, of course. And, suprisingly to some, I no longer have much interest in politics. In fact, I simply don't give a shit about any of the issues anymore, except maybe abortion, which I support for a variety of inarguable reasons (heh, but that view is subjective of course). I am torn between adulthood and childhood; I have what my friend Catie calls the "Peter Pan Complex"...I don't want to grow up. And yet, I am growing up, and I can feel maturity setting in more and more by the day. I might major in marketing and go into publishing as a career, though I might become a full-time author if my writing career really kicks off. Oh, and I'm quite shy. It may not seem so over the internet, because this is the place where I can just let myself go and don't have to make eye contact. But in person, I just sit and observe with a small but genuine smile on my face. Oh, and I'm very open about my sexuality.
2. Physically, what do you first notice about a potential boyfriend?
This is a tough question. And I don't like the way I worded it. Just because I think someone is cute doesn't mean they have any boyfriend potential. Anyway, it really depends on the person, because nobody looks the same, and different features appeal to me in different people. For instance, I never really noticed arm muscles until I wrapped my hands around those of my boyfriend's, and I drool over his arms. I don't really check people out anyway...I know that sounds ridiculous but I don't...I already found what I'm looking for. hehehe.
3. Personally, what qualities do you look for in a potential boyfriend?
It seems that shyness seems to be a pattern in guys I generally have found attractive throughout my life, though there are indeed different types of shyness. I like the kind where he's modest, and it's incredibly cute when he refuses to make eye contact. However, I draw the line at him being so shy they can't open up to me... Friendliness is a must. The nicer the better. And I love a sense of humour. And what's even sexier is a shy boy who is also incredibly funny, and quite vulgar and crude around his close knit of friends. A laid-back boy.
4. What are your turn-ons and turn-offs?
Turn-ons: shyness, friendliness, living in the moment, nice arm muscles, shirtless (HA!), has an ability to talk dirty and make great cyber sex (as well as real sex, though I don't really know much about that yet...unfortunately), sensitive, funny, trusting and honest, and not judgmental. Turn-offs: mean, boring, uptight, likes dirty politics, very religious and/or politically conservative (moderately is fine, but not so much that it makes him intolerant of those who believe differently), can't open up to me, "bad boy" (I just don't like the "rebel without a cause" thing, and tattoos and mohawks don't do it for me), too much of a pushover (my boyfriend and I are both huge pushovers, and I do admit we're both flawed in this area), holds grudges, and jealous.
5. Where would you recommend a guy to draw the line between way too clingy and not there enough? Describe in as much detail as possible.
Way too clingy: see him almost every day outside an academic setting, needs to talk to me every minute, expects me to ditch previously made plans with friends for a last-minute get-together with him. Not there enough: doesn't call me back after a day, doesn't try to communicate with me at least once or twice a day, don' t see him very much or at all outside an academic setting, no alone time whatsoever, seems to have better things to do than talk to me. (He needs some work on this one...=/)
6. If you had, in your eyes, the hottest guy you’ve ever seen, what would he have to do to make you break up with him?
I do have the hottest guy I've ever seen! Heh. But...I would break up with him for similar reasons that I would with any other guy...actually, that isn't true. If, for instance, he cheated on me (I'm absolutely sure this WON'T happen however; I have 100% trust in him), the circumstances would depend; if he actually had a relationship with this other girl, it would have to end, but if it was a spontaneous hook-up, I'd try to find some way to get us through it (assuming he wants to work it out). It's kind of hard to answer this when I'm in love with him...if I wasn't in love with him, I'd probably get so jealous I'd just dump him on the spot, regardless. But that isn't the case.
7. If a rather unattractive guy was interested in you, what qualities would he have to have so that you would consider dating him? [Besides money, people...]
I'd probably have to be friends with him for a while first. A few times, I have found myself getting turned on by people I initially found unattractive, but after getting to know them very well, I'd find we're actual quite compatible, and I look past his flaws and see only the beauty in him. It's cheesy I suppose. (Note: I have never found my current love unattractive. I just didn't really notice his hotness until later, heh.)
8. Describe the ideal date [the activities, not the guy himself].
These are so hard to answer. My answer to this one is, really, anywhere, as long as he's there. Okay, I draw the line at places like "grandma's bedroom" or "in an alleyway" (actually, that one doesn't sound too bad...). The perfect date with him, I suppose, would be...spending the day with him in a social setting with friends, and then taking him back to my house to make love. :D Really, it just doesn't matter. Maybe I'm not being picky because I don't see him much...
9. What do you consider to be romantic?
Falling in love with somebody and feeling that way until the day you die (it's even more romantic if the love is unreturned, but I would rather not experience that personally.)
10. How do you feel about chivalry? When is it and when isn’t it appropriate?
I think most girls will agree with me when I say that it depends on the setting: in a casual setting, such as movie theatre or dining out to some informal restaurant or something like that, chivalry is to be put aside. I know perfectly well how to open the car door, thankyouverymuch, and I fucking TOLD you I would pay for myself; don’t INSIST on paying for me, because I feel uncomfortable about it, and please don’t make me tense. And fucking christ, what am I gonna do with those flowers? Is it my wedding or something? Maybe if it's just one that you picked along the way and thought it'd look nice in my hair. But that's it I feel the same way even in formal settings. I'm not a huge feminist, but I can do things for myself, even though I'm a woman (heh).
11. In what manner would you like a guy to ask you out?
If I really like the dude, I don't really care, as long as it happens. Actually, if he asked a friend to do it for him, I wouldn't really like that. I liked the cute and shy way EY asked me. He did that avoiding eye contact thing and had the sexiest shy smile I've ever seen. I also liked that I knew it was coming by the way he sat next to me and kinda had his hand on my leg minutes before, so I could prepare myself (and because I gave him my phone number the day before and he called me and we giggled nervously over the phone...oh, and a friend told me it was probably going to happen).
12. What kinds of activities would you and your ideal boyfriend do on a regular basis? What kinds of things would you talk about? How often would you see each other?
Uh, I dunno. We'd do whatever we're both in the mood for...it'd probably involve hanging out with our friends a lot. Or maybe going to the movies. Simple things...it just doesn't really matter to me, as long as we're both having fun. IDEALLY, we would have solo dates at least once every two weeks, but that probably isn't going to happen anytime soon. =/
13. How do you know when you’re in love?
Oh jeez. So many things to say but so few ways to say it. Um...because I trust the crap outta him, and have never been happier with anyone else. He doesn't make me want to be mean; whereas I was abusive as fuck in past relationships, the only thing I want to make him feel is happy, and I don't like it when I upset him...I wrote a blog about this a couple months ago. See that.
14. When you know you’re in love, how do you express it to your guy, verbally, physically, and any other way?
Verbally...well I tell him, of course. Our cutesy way of saying it is "i lovery u (insert ridiculous pet name here)", but when I suddenly feel overwhelmed with love for him, I just flat out say, "I love you so much". I'll also say things such as, "I'm devoted to you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, no matter what problems come our way." The Truth. Physically...well, physically I can't keep my hands off him! I like it when we haven't seen in each other in a while, and when we do we're kinda shy at first, and we just sit really close to each other and brush arms...but then I'll suddenly put my arm around him and snuggle. After that, you can't tear me away...I love holding his hand, and I'll pull him into a long hug whenever I can. We don't kiss that much...which is why when I do kiss him, he should know it's because I can't get enough of him. I would LIKE to show him how much I love him by letting go of what self-consciousness I have regarding my nude body and giving him the best sex he'll ever have! (Although, if I'm the only one he ever sexes up, I'll only hope it'll get better and better.)
15. You know a guy loves you when he....
Confides in me. And doesn't want to change me. And accepts my past.
17. What sorts of behaviours are total no-nos for guys looking for love?
Clinginess, whinyness, seems to hate himself, has very high standards, and has a record of violent behaviour.
18. How long should a guy wait to move to the "next base" with you? [Here is the field for you: "first base" is kissing, "second base" is touching you in your girly spots, "third base" is any other sexual activity besides intercourse, and "home" is, of course, the Full Monty, All the Way, the grand S-E-X.] You may divide the categories into sub-categories if you’d like [i.e., under kissing: pecking, then smooching, then frenching, then just sucking face].
I think it really depends on how stable the relationship starts off and progresses. EY and I got to second base the same day we got to first, and we're bound to get to the last two the next chances we get. But I would only let it happen because I know our love is deeper than JUST sexual stuff. (In all honesty, I'm the type who, if I wasn't in a monogamous relationship, would have casual sex...but I am in a monogamous relationship, and when it comes to those, you should just do it when You Know you're ready...which I am confident we are.)
19. What are some simple but effective ways for a guy to show you his love?
Kissing me when I least expect it (a kiss is never unwelcome, and he shouldn't feel shy!), and gazing at me adoringly when I know I look like shit. There are lots of other things, but I'm just in the mood to name those.
20. Finally, what piece of advice would you give to a guy with severe relationship and intimacy issues of any sort [clinginess, heartbreak, high-maintenance, prudeness, etc.]?
Believe me, if you don’t love yourself first in a non-conceited way, us girls can sense that, and we will wonder why, and if it’s because you know that you’re not that great. We love confidence. We love security. Don’t be overly macho, but be true to yourself. If you’re a stranger to yourself to find love, you won’t find it: you’ll only find an imposterous relationship with tension. Not everybody is going to like you. But somebody will. I promise.